The challenge of long distance relationships

The Challenge of Long Distance Relationships
by Vic Bilson

Conventional wisdom tells us that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It also delivers another devastating homily: out of sight, out of mind. So how should one keep long distance relationships going? Hope that distance will add to love? Or work out ways and means to prevent the relationship from weakening, and dying?

The challenge today is particularly serious. More and more young men and women are working in distant places. The traditional way to connect to each other through loving touches, caresses or cuddling are not there. Also missing are opportunities to spend quality time in each other's company as well as in the company of friends and relatives. One should also not forget conflicts and arguments. These, in their own way, cement relationships and make them more fulfilling.

So how do long distance couples keep their relationships going? One way is to bring them close to you by placing their picture on your desk, kitchen table and in the bedroom. This will remind you of your partner always. You should frequently update your common friends on your partner and not let him or her go out of your social loop. This will keep the image of your partner always fresh in your mind.

Use e-mail, chat and voice mail to keep in constant touch with your partner. This communication need not be limited to 'How much I miss you' line but to substantive discussions involving day to day issues. You also need to work out who will take care of children. The decision should be based on pragmatism, and not on traditional arguments that the mother must rear the child.

Yes, the mother is most suited to bring up a child. But if she is working in a place where there are no good schools then it is the father who has to accept the responsibility. So, even if you are separated by distance your problems are the same, and you need to resolve them together.

Try and be with each other once a month or once a quarter depending upon the situation. Do not insist that only your partner should travel. You too should take time off your schedule and visit your partner. Let there by healthy and mutual respect for each other's work. Only then will your relationship survive across the long distance.